Need advice about my teenage son. He's 13 and rude, unsociable and lazy....any thoughts on boarding school?

Our son back mouths us all the time, never or hardly ever does anything around the house and won't even go out ever with his friends.....we are always telling him to arrange something with his mates to go to the mall, movie theatre, bowling etc...but no everyhting is lame, so he won't do it...instead he plays video games, slacks off with his homework...and has a chip on his shoulder all the time. He's spoilt, we are trying to change that...but when we take things off him, he doesn't care...he'll just slouch around. Funny thing is, he's the fastest runner in his year and the second out of the year above him, so I don't understand his lack of energy at home to make an effort in anything. We did have him in a running group, but pulled him out as he was falling behind with his homework He usually is a A/B student but not now. He's always been difficult since he was a toddler, but the last couple of yrs are making me think he will never change. Friends at school say he's too bossy.Need advice about my teenage son. He's 13 and rude, unsociable and lazy....any thoughts on boarding school?
Nix the Vid games. Limit their use at least. They are addictive. Keep them under lock and key if you have to, if that don't work, sell them. Make your home a game free zone if you have to. Give him some consequences for bad behavior. If he's spoiled it's because you spoiled him. Let him slouch around, call his bluff and don't give in. He's slouching to make you feel sorry for him so he can return to running your lives. Who has the control in your house? No violence is necessary, just stick to your guns if you ground him for a month, Make it stick. He needs to learn respect, and he won't respect anyone who goes back on what they say. He will either start respecting you and behaving, or become more beligerant, violent and begin running away. This will depend on how brash he can be, and the underlying cause of his behavior.


The behavior as you describe seems to suggest a self loathing, and/or lack of ambition, and lack of respect. The lack of respect, your spoiling and leniency is the cause. The self loathing, and lack of ambition can be caused by loss of friends, or alienation or extortion by them. Less likely, but public female rejection, sex abuse, marijuana or alcohol use or the coaxing from others to use it, may also be possibilities as to the cause. It could also stem from depression which could be treated by a doctor, even if it isn't depression the Doctor may have some other suggestions for you.. If possible seek a child development councellor, your G.P. or M.D. can also direct you to one. Behaviors are due to causes, the councellor can help to find the true cause. You can't repair the situation if you don't know what the real problem is. The councellor can help with the solution as well.


Should all this fail due to the boys reluctance of the truth, and he continues the same way send him to a, Millitary Academy, if nothing else he will definately learn respect there.


Harsh words I know, but I used to be just like that 13 year old boy you describe. My parents always caved in. The professionals couldn't help in my case as I was too stubborn and would not be honest. I carried too much shame and guilt. I trusted no one. I learned respect on my own at Army Cadets, and later in Jail, but ended up living a life of alcoholism, drugs, and lies,lies,lies, until I finally found the truth at 41 years old, and changed my life for the better. I am now 44. I have what seems like many lifetimes of experience in what is wrong and I'm finally realizing what led me there. I say this not to shock you, but to share my experience, so that you may have a better chance of helping your son, and not having to live the anguish my mother went through with me.


I pray you find the causes of your sons behavior.


God Bless.Need advice about my teenage son. He's 13 and rude, unsociable and lazy....any thoughts on boarding school?
beat his @ss
Boarding school is no place for a kid.I was sent to Boarding School(Mills School Ft.Lauderdale Fla).


The place was a hell hole.I got bullied by the kids and staff


and My parents refused to listen.I had no where to turn.


I still have emotional wounds today from Mills School(closed 1978).If anyone from Mills is reading this bring it on.jjflash59@hotmail.com
tell him that cute girls ony like guys who can take charge and what not!!!








it's true ya know!
I think it's time for you to start parenting! Sounds as though you were lackadaisical in this area when he was younger, so he has grown into what you molded him into. Can still be changed. Maybe take some teen parenting classes to give you some ideas.
I went to a boarding school. Not because of a behavior problem; it was for gifted children.





However, there were a few gifted kids with behavior problems there. It didn't help. They just slacked off more and were eventually kicked out. What you're looking for is more of a tough-love type thing where someone will MAKE him do things.





But really, a lot of 13-year-olds are like that. They talk back to test your limits. Set them and stick with them. Taking away privileges is a good approach as long as it's consistent. However, in order to take away privileges, he has to earn some in the first place!





I turned out all right without a lot of guidance, but my sister at that age wasn't doing well. She couldn't do anything but be sarcastic and mope around. Well, eventually my dad had to put his foot down. He wants to play video games? Fine. But he has to do one chore for every fifteen minutes of playing. Take away the computer and game console until he does. Make a list ... wash dishes, take out trash, do one homework assignment, sweep floors, clean bathtub, etc. Ask him to come tell you when he does one, and you can inspect it. If it's done well he gets 15 minutes' worth of playing time. Add them up at the end of the day, and that's how long he can play before bed. Of course you have to do this early in the evening so it doesn't conflict with bedtime ... but that approach worked pretty well with my sister. Except she wanted to watch TV instead of playing games. Same thing, really.





If that gets him motivated, great. Problem solved. Take away the computer and console during the day, give him ONE for the specified amount of time during the evening. It might take a few days, but he will eventually get tired of doing NOTHING and be willing to barter for the privilege of doing fun things.





Once he earns some of those privileges, it's time to start taking them away. He talks back? Fine. Subtract that 15 minutes he just earned. He tells you ';I'll do it later'; when he's not doing anything? All right. Now he's 15 minutes in the NEGATIVE. He'd better make that up quick if he wants to play at all.





After a few weeks of this he might be able to rejoin that running group. Doing something he can feel proud of will also be motivating and help his self-esteem so he doesn't feel the need to be so bossy with his friends and backtalk so often to you. But for the moment focus on doing chores and finishing his homework.





Good luck. Don't give up on him. He's too young for that! My sister seemed worse off than he sounds and she's a fine young lady now, at the top of her class.
No one wants to go to boarding school, besides hes your son, you are in charge. If his grades are bad, ride him hard about his school work. If he wont do stuff around the house, make him, you are in charge. If he plays too much video games, make him ask before playing. He is sure to get upset if you do these things, but if you love him, you will show him whats right and wrong.
boarding school could make everything worse.
take charge band everything until he starts to show improvement
a tour in Iraq will do him good.
Ever try spanking ?


if that don't work whip his bunns
well he is your son and you raised him like that. i went to boarding school, and although he might hate the idea, it was great being with my friends 24 hours a day, and not having to see my parents, what more could a kid want. you will get no improvement in school work, in fact the opposite, as i say he will be friends the whole time, that will be 5 years of talking to freinds which includes zero hours of any work outside of classes. the main thing he will learn is independence from you which could be a good thing andhe will realise that the attitude will have to go when he is constantly among his peers.